My Catholic Roots

I'm still coping with the fact that I'm an atheist. It's still a strange thing for me. I spend the past 33 years as a Catholic. I was baptized in the catholic church at a young age. I went to church every Sunday with my family. Did I like going to church? Well, not really. I don't think any kids really enjoyed going to church. It was just something we did because we had to. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through High School. As a young girl, I wanted to be a nun. There was nothing more that I wanted to do than be good... to be with God, and to go to heaven. In fact, there was a portion of my life where I actually thought I might be Mary. Getting to heaven was a contest of goodness to me, and I was destined to win it.

My love of religion didn't end there. In high school, I was a regular at all of the "youth group" outings and events. It was fun! But that still wasn't enough for me. I even took extra theology classes outside of the school - just for fun. Well, it indeed was fun. I LOVED those classes.

Attending college was my first secular school experience. However, I didn't that deter me from continuing to learn about religion. At this time, I had begun to take a comparative religions class. I did it mostly to make sure I was following the "right" religion. Well, as it turns out they don't teach you the "right" religion on those classes... but just a lot about different religions. I was bummed not to know for sure what the right path was, but I did enjoy learning about different religions.

Soon after graduating from college, I got married outside of the church, without realizing how "bad" it was to do such a thing in the eyes of the church. I didn't go to church, but still felt I was a Catholic. Hey, that's how Catholics do it. You go to church when you're a kid, and when you get old, but take those middle years off to give yourself a break from it all.

As a college graduate, I began working, and listening to many audiobooks. One of which was The Case for God by Karen Armstrong. it was with this book that I truly began to question my faith. it presented many facts. A few that stand out to me today is how religion started - as a way for people to deal with the fact that they were killing food in order to eat. Having a god to than made them feel better about taking the life of a living creature. Also, it stands out to me that all people who worship God all worship the same god... no matter if they decide to call him Elohim, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, God, etc.

Upon getting pregnant, and decided that I wanted to have my child baptized in the Catholic faith, I also went through the appropriate classes to have my marriage recognized by the Catholic church. Apparently, I wasn't allowed to have my son Baptized until I was "married in the church". My husband (an atheist from birth) thought it was silly, but he went through with the whole thing because it was so important to me at the time. I wanted my son to be baptized, for fear if he didn't he would go to hell.

It was upon watching The God Who Wasn't There on Netflix that I first decided that God, in fact, wasn't there. it was when I decided in my mind that everything I had learned and practiced my entire life was nothing but a big waste of my time. It's when the fairy tale of God and religion ended for me.