Wednesday, March 19, 2014

My Catholic Roots

I'm still coping with the fact that I'm an atheist. It's still a strange thing for me. I spend the past 33 years as a Catholic. I was baptized in the catholic church at a young age. I went to church every Sunday with my family. Did I like going to church? Well, not really. I don't think any kids really enjoyed going to church. It was just something we did because we had to. I went to Catholic school from Kindergarten through High School. As a young girl, I wanted to be a nun. There was nothing more that I wanted to do than be good... to be with God, and to go to heaven. In fact, there was a portion of my life where I actually thought I might be Mary. Getting to heaven was a contest of goodness to me, and I was destined to win it.

My love of religion didn't end there. In high school, I was a regular at all of the "youth group" outings and events. It was fun! But that still wasn't enough for me. I even took extra theology classes outside of the school - just for fun. Well, it indeed was fun. I LOVED those classes.

Attending college was my first secular school experience. However, I didn't that deter me from continuing to learn about religion. At this time, I had begun to take a comparative religions class. I did it mostly to make sure I was following the "right" religion. Well, as it turns out they don't teach you the "right" religion on those classes... but just a lot about different religions. I was bummed not to know for sure what the right path was, but I did enjoy learning about different religions.

Soon after graduating from college, I got married outside of the church, without realizing how "bad" it was to do such a thing in the eyes of the church. I didn't go to church, but still felt I was a Catholic. Hey, that's how Catholics do it. You go to church when you're a kid, and when you get old, but take those middle years off to give yourself a break from it all.

As a college graduate, I began working, and listening to many audiobooks. One of which was The Case for God by Karen Armstrong. it was with this book that I truly began to question my faith. it presented many facts. A few that stand out to me today is how religion started - as a way for people to deal with the fact that they were killing food in order to eat. Having a god to than made them feel better about taking the life of a living creature. Also, it stands out to me that all people who worship God all worship the same god... no matter if they decide to call him Elohim, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, God, etc.

Upon getting pregnant, and decided that I wanted to have my child baptized in the Catholic faith, I also went through the appropriate classes to have my marriage recognized by the Catholic church. Apparently, I wasn't allowed to have my son Baptized until I was "married in the church". My husband (an atheist from birth) thought it was silly, but he went through with the whole thing because it was so important to me at the time. I wanted my son to be baptized, for fear if he didn't he would go to hell.

It was upon watching The God Who Wasn't There on Netflix that I first decided that God, in fact, wasn't there. it was when I decided in my mind that everything I had learned and practiced my entire life was nothing but a big waste of my time. It's when the fairy tale of God and religion ended for me.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

I Had My Son Baptized... Now What?

I have spent most of my life as a follower of the Catholic religion. I took a break from church in college, but delved back in when I decided to have a child. I wanted more than anything to have my son Baptized. All Catholics know that he would go to hell if I didn't.

I was going to church weekly to... well... to show up so the priest would see me there, and recognize me as an active member of the church when it was time to have my son baptized  I also went through a 3-month process to have my Bahamas marriage-on-the-beach recognized by the church so I could have my son baptized in the faith.

Well, fast forward to today, and I'm an atheist... but I still feel guilty about having baptized my son in the Catholic faith. I realize that there is no big guy in the sky that I pledged my son's allegiance to, but I still feel guilty about it. I guess part of the problem is that the church recognizes my son as a member.

I feel fortunate to have discovered atheism early in his life, when little damage has yet to be done. He's only been to church 3 times, and he's only 4 years old. I also have a daughter, who has never been baptized.

BUT... with all of the atheist cries about childhood indoctrination & the harm of baptism, I ask you all this... what do I do now?

Prayer In School

I don't think this was what they had in mind...

Monday, December 31, 2012

Kinda Bummed... My First Christmas As An Atheist

Last week was my first Christmas after becoming an atheist. I'm feeling a bit bummed now that the story of Jesus's birth is just a fairy tale to me now. I still put up the nativity scene this year, because my mom would be coming  over to our house, and it was a gift from her. I didn't want to have any red flags that I had since become an atheist.

For the past 30 years, there was nothing I wanted more than a deeper connection with God. I wanted nothing more than to be good so I could spend eternity in heaven.

I never wanted to be an atheist. Ever. I thought my husband and his family were hypocritical assholes for celebrating Christmas, but never Christ. They never went to church. My husband, in fact, is an atheist by default.

I actually stumbled upon atheism after doing some work trying to figure out how the bible started, and what my religion looked like before the Bible was created. I was trying to deeper my connection with God & religion.

Anyone else ever feel this way around Christmas? And advice?

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Religious Vs. Non-Religious Prison Population

One of the reasons I started this blog was to be able to post things about my thoughts on religion without fear. I'm very much in the closet about my atheism, and often bite my tongue when things of a religious matter are discussed.

So, in light of seeing this all over my Facebook news feed... 

 I felt compelled to share this...